Today I feel good and that I am beyond thankful for that.
As much as I wish I could say I'm happy and pushing through, this week has been harder than most. It has been one of those weeks where I questioned “Is this really my life and how do I get through this?” as much as that aches my heart to admit. I had a hearing test, and the results came back not what I had hoped. My ability to process words was at 50% on my left side, meaning no matter how loud the volume is turned up there are certain tones I simply don’t hear. This makes for a lot of “what(s)”, a lot of frustration and a whole lot of uncontrollable crying.
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This month has been a whirlwind. A whirlwind according to Wikipedia is “a weather phenomenon in which a vortex of wind forms due to instabilities and turbulence created by heating and flow gradients. Whirlwinds occur all over the world and in any season.”
Last week, I did the most I've done since being on my treatment and finding out I had Lyme. I felt really good the week leading up to my graduation and I got a little too excited. Last week looked a lot like pushing my limits, staying up a little too late, eating a few things I shouldn’t, and experiencing moments I didn't want to miss out on. This week I'm feeling the repercussions. I've been in a fog and really forgetful. My head randomly shocks with pain and my ears are ringing so loudly I say “what” about 1000 times a day. I sat down on the floor Wednesday taking deep breaths trying to escape the dizziness that makes me throw up and my body quiver. I wake up and turn my head, but everything takes a second to catch up. My neck is stiff and sleeping is so uncomfortable I've been taking double the amount of sleeping herbs to knock me out. It’s a weird feeling- being so exhausted your body aches with pain but you can’t seem to calm it down from racing. |