3 months ago, I was sitting with my doctor going over test results which showed I had Lyme Disease. I’ve been sick a lot of my life, so I’m used to hearing news that shocks me. I’m usually optimistic and think positive going into every appointment, but there’s always the fear of the unknown. I got a call a few days before from my doctor asking me if I could come in for an appointment that week. My body froze and my mind went empty like it was trying to catch its breath by gasping for any ounce of clarity it could get. Then a million thoughts began flooding in. This can’t be good. Am I really sick? I’m going to go deaf. What if I can never hear music again? Is there something wrong with my brain? I bet it’s my brain, it’s been skipping a beat lately. Okay deep breaths calm down... 4 days later I was sitting in the doctor’s office. He walked in, sat down on his chair, rolled over and looked at me with eyes that already spoke “I’m sorry”. He had a packet in his hands and I immediately closed my eyes and drifted away for one last moment of peace.
We spent the next hour and a half going over my test results and explanations of how I’d been misdiagnosed the past 10 years of my life. I had to schedule another appointment because I think my mind was in shock and I blacked out for majority of it- I couldn’t remember anything he said. My life has changed a lot since that moment, because my lifestyle was challenged to changed. One of the biggest changes is that I had to stop drinking. I’m now 3 months sober. Go me. I’m 22-year-old living in Pacific Beach San Diego. If you need to know anything about Pacific Beach, it’s that there’s almost more places you can get alcohol than there are houses and the party never stops. I’m less than 1 mile from over 20 different bars. It’s mine and my friends fourth year living here, so everyone is trying to party as hard as they can and be a kid for the last couple months before graduation comes and the real-world hits. College, for a lot of people, involves drinking probably the most they will in their life. I simply didn’t know how it was possible for me to stop drinking. All I could think like was wow I’m going to miss out. Here I am in my world full of drinking and party’s and lasts and celebration and I’m 3 months sober. Go me. I keep saying Go me because at times it’s been really hard. Being sober in a college world where drinking surrounds you, it’s hard. Being the only one of your friends who’s not drinking, that’s hard. Quitting anything that requires you to shift your lifestyle is hard. I have a newfound respect for recovering alcoholics and anyone who even tries to stop drinking. I have a newfound respect for anyone who makes a serious change in their life. Here are 21 things I've learned from all of this. 1. People who really care about you will support you My friends have really stepped up, especially my close girlfriend group. They’ve been there checking on me every single day and when we’re in situations where people are drinking, they’re always asking me if I’m okay and down to leave if I want. 2. Relationships grow deeper More focus has been put on the people who are really close to me. It’s really shown me the importance of who you surround yourself with and how much of an influence your core group has on your life. 3. Forced outside of your comfort zone You don’t have the little push if alcohol to make you more outgoing or confident. I’ve had to fully push myself to be more outgoing and really embrace being 110% myself. This has also made me get to know people a lot better and on a deeper level. 4. Your feelings are real I would disregard the way some people treated me because we were drinking and told myself not to care in the morning. Being sober, I’ve realized that some things hurt you just as bad, your feelings are real & should not be disregarded because you were drinking. I’m also realizing that some things that really bothered me when I was drinking aren’t that big of a deal. 5. Less problems I haven’t had one day or one moment where I’ve regretted how I’ve treated someone since I’ve been sober. When I was drinking there were times that I really hurt people- especially the people I love. 6. Drop a few pounds in the stomach area I get up every morning and go for a run/walk or do some workout. I’m not hungover and my early mornings while the rest of my world around me is silent has become something I look forward to. 7. More time for hobbies I have more time to spend on my music and writing. Creativity has been such a savior to me during this time. Seeing growth in these aspects of my life have been so rewarding. When I’m going through anything difficult in my life, I set goals and work towards them. Seeing progress in my music, work and writing gives me a sense of purpose and has made the nights spent by myself at home worth it. 8. Temptations are powerful but so are you I’ve gained a sense of control for my life. Resisting something that is so prevalent and surrounds you is so so hard. It’s been so rewarding in the aspect of my self-esteem, loyalty to myself and my standards. 9. You don’t owe anyone an explanation You don’t want to drink. Simple as that. People will ask why, and you’re allowed to say any ridiculous thing to get yourself out of the situation or simply walk away if they keep pressing you. I felt that being open and explaining to people has made it easier for me. TRUST me, I’ve felt super awkward at times when I’m offered a drink and have to say no. 10. You deserve more than the person who only wants you after they’re a few beers deep Some people won’t want to do anything with you besides party- that’s okay, it’s a big world, there’s a lot of people. It’s honestly given me a stronger sense of self-worth and made me raise my standards in all of my relationships. I’ve gained a better understanding of the relationships that cause me more stress than satisfaction and take away from my joy rather than increasing it. 11. Change is hard, but as Glennon Doyle says, “we can do hard things” The first month not drinking was really hard, now I’m in the grove of it. Not drinking changed when I see my friends, what I do at night, what I plan, where I go, who I’m with. It changed my everyday routine. Seriously, it altered so much in my life and it was really difficult at first to make changes- it still is daily. 12. Celebrate and reward yourself Every month I complete I buy myself a gift. Sometimes small and sometimes big. It’s important to have things to look forward to and it has really helped me with motivating myself. I also have a calendar where I cross off every day I’m sober. Every day I’m one step closer to being healthy and pushing through my treatment. This is cool to look back on and I can’t help but smile every time I “X” off a box. 13. Alcohol can’t fix your problems, it only numbs For the first time in the last four years, I feel like I’m fully working through every emotion I’m having. I’ve been angry, sad, frustrated, pissed off, hurt and I’m realizing I used alcohol to cope with these feelings more than I thought. I’ve had no choice but to find positive ways to work though my emotions, because I can’t go out and forget about it for a night. I can’t numb it- I have no choice but to feel it all. I’ve never been so challenged emotionally and it’s making me so much stronger than I was. 14. Acting skills dramatically improve I used to act at the Paramount theatre growing up and it’s really showing. When I was in Cancun some of my friends didn’t even notice I wasn’t drinking. I’m a pretty good at being sober and acting drunk. Honestly, when everyone around you is drunk the energy wares off on you. 15. You can stay in; half the people won’t even remember if you were there 16. Turn social media notifications off It was hard for me to feel like I was missing out at first. This was a constant reminder that this part of my life which is supposed to be a huge celebration looks a whole lot different for me than most my age. 17. It helps to plan I plan my weeks; what I’m going to do each day and what days I’ll go out and see people. It gives me a sense of control and I don’t debate if I should go out or not. Simplifies my life a little bit. 18. Have people on speed dial For me it’s helped having people who I can call at any time if the day or night when I’m frustrated about not being able to do what all my friends can right now. Sometimes you need people to talk you out of it and be strong when you can’t be. I break down at times, I’m human. I’m blessed that my people on speed dial are my mom and dad. 19. Remove yourself from the situation I still go out and I have a lot of fun. However, if I’m out and getting upset I’ve learned that sometimes removing myself from the situation is the most powerful thing I can do. That goes for when I’m getting the urge to walk up to the bar and order a drink and also when someone does something that upsets me. I allow myself 10 minutes to move past it and if I can’t, I leave the area and go do something else. 20. More clarity I’m going through a lot, so it’s a variety of things for this one. To put it simple, what I once wanted I no longer do. I have higher expectations for myself. 21. More compassionate Recovering alcoholic and addicts I now think are some of the strongest people I’ve ever met. I’ve listened to some of the most impactful stories and learned life changing lessons about how truly important it is to be open and vulnerable. I learned how much courage it takes to make the choice to change something that has been a part of your life for a while. I’m not saying drinking is bad for everyone and I’m never going to drink again. Trust me, that first tequila shot with Kendall Still- I’m looking forward to celebrating that moment and all the hard work I’ve put in. I’m saying this break is teaching me a lot of valuable things about myself, my relationships and what I want out of life. I'm saying it's honestly changing my life. Someone told me this when I first started this journey “I know it’s hard right now, but just know you have a world of fun ahead of you that you haven’t even tapped into yet” that’s 100% true and I’m starting to see myself tapping into different areas of my life where I don’t think I ever would’ve. When people find out I’m not drinking they often go “wow I could never do that” and honestly at times I’ve thought I couldn’t do it. When the doctor told me the changes, I had to make I didn’t know if I’d be able to do it, but here I am in a world where the party never seems to stop & I’m 3 months sober. And I’m really proud of myself. Go me.
2 Comments
Autumn Robinson
5/25/2021 06:43:42 pm
Thanks for the share, you hit part of recovery and sobriety right on the nuts, not numbing your emotions on a regular basis and that entire concept is hard and freeing at the same time and change takes time. Go Daisy.
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Daisy
6/5/2021 03:37:31 pm
Autumn thank you for the comment. It means a lot and I appreciate you reaching out. Back at you, all the love.
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